What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
11.06.2025 14:36
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
The two rules investors need to follow right now as the S&P 500 eyes a return to 6,000 - MarketWatch
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She married twice! .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
What are 50 random facts about yourself?
I never cut or harmed myself..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
US-China trade war sideswipes Europe’s carmakers - politico.eu
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Is anyone else losing complete respect for the US at this point?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Can you explain the difference between an ego, soul, mind, and consciousness?
This is soul school!.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Would this be the day?
Brain ‘Reset Wave’ May Explain How ECT Rapidly Relieves Depression - Neuroscience News
I said to her
It was going to be , some day.
We all went to grammer schools
Why do some guys treat girls so badly?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
O'Malley's dad 'super relaxed' cornering title bout - ESPN
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He knew the spot.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
N.J. doctors are using a party drug to send patients to ‘another planet.’ Yes, it’s legal. - NJ.com
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My family never makes their pension either.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
AMD once again first to top GPU clock charts with RX 9060 XT delivering 3.1 GHz - VideoCardz.com
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Why did i forgive my father ?
She found it foreign!.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
How will the article end in Part III of Gleissner's hit piece?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I waited trembling.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Who then, do I blame.?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Put me off passion for life!!
And i lived it daily.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I was seconnd youngest,
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Especially a lifetime of it.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
When she asked me how she looked .
I could never make a relationship work though!
I write beautiful poetry .
But it wasn’t much.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Ive learnt so much.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But, we were locked up after school.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I think the readers, may guess!
We were not on the streets..
I was very sick at this time too.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
One cannot live in the past .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I couldn’t, believe it.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Im still living with it.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
My life is so biszare .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I was 9 years of age.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
As i do to all so called friends.?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
All the time i was locked up.
Comes on , in middle age.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was scared of men, in general
She was in good health!
(And it was in our own minds.)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But ive been too sick for many years..
What did i know ?
She wouldn,t have been !
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I don,t even have a pension.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She loved him until the end.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Was to survive, this bastard.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
So, i spoilt her more .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I will be 64.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
So whats the point in blame.
I have no regrets .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.